Glass half full or half empty?

For all the things that happen around me, I have never reacted in the same way. The good, the bad, the ugly: all have evoked varied responses at different points of time. Something that would obviously make me sad, would, in another situation, satisfy me. So there's no way to know if I'm the kind who sees the good side of things or the bad. I don't exactly know if I'm a pessimist or an optimist. The proverbial glass would seem half full at one time, but half empty at another.

Its like, the knowledge that an estranged friend needs me, means different things to me. There were times when the thought would pain me. And I would leave everything and be at his/her side in an instant. I would never stop to even think about what has happened in the past. I'd think of it as an opportunity to make things better and leave behind the things that had once upon a time hurt me. At times like these, I'd be willing to see the glass as half full. I'd be positive about our chances of being friends once again.

But there have also been times when, in a similar situation, I would refuse to see the good in that person. I'd think of it as a ploy or a way for him/her to hurt me again. More like, the situation would make me pessimistic rather than the person. And what makes it worse is that I would actually 'enjoy' the fact that I'm needed. OK, so 'enjoy' is too strong a word. But you get the drift, right? It would make me feel good; that without me the person is miserable. So that would make me a selfish person, right?

Another situation: There was an online writing competition last month. Entries from all over the world were invited for a picture story. I gave it my best shot. It was one of those times when the words simply flowed as though I knew about it all along, like I had been prepared for it since years. I didn't win, though. Somebody else did. Had it been one of those super cynical times of mine, I would have resented the fact that my story wasn't chosen. That my story was just as great as the ones that were selected. But surprisingly, or not, it didn't matter. I didn't mind the fact that I hadn't won. I simply loved the fact that I had been given a chance to write. And the piece, according to me, was one of the best things I have ever written. I put myself in that story and let it flow as naturally as it were happening that very instant. And I was proud with the outcome. I'd proved to myself that, with the right kind of motivation and the perfect mood, I can write really well. And I ain't boasting about this fact, I was just really proud of myself and just as happy. So the glass was most definitely half full for me.

I have never been able to decide for myself which side of life I want to be part of: the one who always sees the silver lining or the one who'd rather notice and brood over the dark clouds. I have been proven wrong many times when I have chosen to see the brighter side of things. I have been thoroughly disappointed by people and by life. I have wanted to give up on happiness altogether because its difficult to hope that something good will always come out of a situation.

So, the fact remains is that I am nowhere close to discovering what sort of person I am. Am I good or am I bad? Am I an optimist or otherwise? Am I right in continuing to see the good in people or am I also right in being aware of the bad that could come out of it? There's no harm in staying alert, right? But there is harm in letting it overrule the good. So...Is the glass half full or half empty?